“I have a bad habit of seeking validation. I want to get rid
of it, and I am working on it. I have come a long way from who I was in the
past, and I hope to improve myself,” Reena pondered as she drove on the same
road over and over again. The signs, the cars and the scenery around her were
the same, nothing changed.
There was what felt like a blink of an eye and she was back
at the beginning of the road; she had not driven a meter beyond. The sky had a
reddish hue as the sun had set and it was dark. She looked at her mobile and
time stood still, not a second further. She panicked and looked around at the
other drivers on the road trying to get a glimpse of their expressions, but
nobody responded. They all drove like robots, their faces still and their
posture stable, as if they were programmed to do the same over and over again.
The road did not reach the exit before she had to start all
over again, and so Reena decided to stop her car in the side of the road and collect
her thoughts on what she should do next. The long stretch of the road did not
make sense; there was no beginning and no end. She was stuck in an infinite
loop.
She stood there on the side of the road with the wind
blowing on her face, her eyes squinting as her mind tried to make sense of what
was going on.
“What am I here for? Where am I going?” Those questions
suddenly popped in her head like a bolt of lightning. The same pattern around
her was driving her crazy. The combination of frustration and anger brought tears to her eyes, as she sat down with her hands on her face. She shook her
head, contemplating every path she took before she reached this road, but could
not figure out the whys and the hows.
“Time” passed by as she slumped on the ground against her
car and stared at the horizon, her mind zoning out into oblivion. Tears dried
up as her mind gradually became comfortable with her situation. She did not fight
it anymore, but accepted her fate.
I stood there and watched her go though her anguish. She sat
still, her eyes looking at the ground and slowly her body turned dark. With
time she looked like a black figure sitting against her car, as if she had
turned into a ghost, and then right in front of my eyes she vanished.
“Where did she go?” I said to myself as I walked towards her
car. I walked around but her existence disappeared. There was no trace. I went
back to my spot and sat down, closed my eyes and meditated, and there she was,
right in front of me. She did not seek approval anymore, she only existed.
